Prophecies of Frank: The "Flop-Mop"

Prophecy:Normally, it wouldn't be an intelligent decision to pick against John Cena. However, he's scheduled to begin filming for Mr. Nanny II and a live-action Green Eggs and Ham. Randy will have to relinquish his title to Triple H. This will begin a series of about thirty rematches until Randy once again begins trashing hotel rooms and pulling down his skimpies in front of Maria.

Prophecy:16-0.

Prophecy:Here's an equation: Wrestling in sumo and boxing matches at WrestleMania = no talent.

Prophecy:This may be the match of the night. Ric Flair has always been one of my favorites. The greatest wrestler of all-time won't retire after a loss. He'll bow out after low-blowing Shawn in his coconuts. Ric will make Shawn tap out and will walk out on his own terms.

Prophecy:Process of elimination: Vince McMahon hates ECW. Carlito shaved his afro. Chris Jericho is a poser. Shelton Benjamin (don't make me laugh). This leaves my boy, Ken Kennedy, and Montel. MVP needs the push.

Prophecy:The Samoan Spike is the worst wrestling maneuver ever. The creative writing staff needs to throw on some old videos and realize that the Stink Face needs to make a return. Anyway, Umaga won't be jabbing Batista in his armpits tonight. The only thing that could possibly save this mess would be a solid heckling from the crowd, along the lines of chanting, "belly button tattoos are seriously feminine. Batista wears tampons (clap-clap, clap-clap-clap)".

Prophecy:JBL used to be the man but now he has more rolls than Bob Evans. Fortunately, they put him in a stipulation match and we won't be able to see his lack of skills. As long as he has his head put through TV monitors and keeps his shirt on, this won't be all that bad. The best part will be when Hornswoggle boots Finlay in the Lucky Charms with his size twos and slams back a pint with JBL.

Prophecy:Undoubtedly, Kane will have makeup (burn scars) dripping down his face by the conclusion of the Battle Royal and Jim Ross will be shouting, "He's hideous." Nothing is more horrifying than a man that shaves the front half of his hair, so I can sympathize with all of the wrestlers who run from this "monster". Kane wins this and treats us to another exciting match against Chavo. He becomes champion and somehow ECW (just when I thought it wasn't possible) gets worse. On a side note, I'm predicting that Kane's breath smells like a mix of hot garbage and used diapers. Every time Tazz yells, "watch out," or "look out", I'll be taking a drink. Chances are I'll be spending the remainder of the night passed out.